My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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