Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
