i would punch a child for taco bell
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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