Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize