Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
