my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
