paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
