I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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