I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
