I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
