i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
