K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
