i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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