is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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