Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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