fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
