mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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