Have you finally orgasmed yet?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
