I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
