This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
