Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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