how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
