a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
