How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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