My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
