I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
