I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize