Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
