I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
