I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
