All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
