nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
