Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
