I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
