we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
