WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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