Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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