Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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