guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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