If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
