I am puke
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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