Just fell off a train. Bad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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