Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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