i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
