I think i peed on brittanys purse
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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