I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We are all done wearing pants today
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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