Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
