Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
