i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
