The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
