the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sext me about skeletons
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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