are you so shy because you have an std?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
