you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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