Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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