Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
