The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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