Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
