I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
