Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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