saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize