So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
