You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
