May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
