there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize