While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
