when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
