something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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