remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
