in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
