Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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