so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
