I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize