I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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