Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
