Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's never too late to be topless.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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