Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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