i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
