just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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