I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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