I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
