i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
