Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
