The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
